Antics in the Bone Hospital

A Trip to Downton 

Yesterday I made a trip to Downton by Derry, because I wanted to buy some electric shoes. After a two hour coachride I entered the wooden gates leading up to the the high street. Along the gravel paths there were ladies in blankets and men with eyepatches selling exotic birds. The city smelled of mince pies and fish heads. I can only assume that it was delivery day at the docks on the other side of town. The spire of the church stood out on the horizon, as it was the tallest construction within the city walls. Circled ornately by clumps of flowers and prickley bushes, the church was the second oldest building in County Derry. The oldest being the guarderobe, although that particular claim had been the subject of debate for many years because, pursuant to the classic view, guarderobes are parts of a seperate building, and not actually "buildings" themselves. However, the head of the historical society was partial to the guarderobe, having been built by his great-grandfater Phinneus as a gift to his great grandmother Mildred Porridge. In recent years the County had become divided along the lines of the Historical Society and the Toilette Nihilists, a clandestine group engaged in the study of mysticism and hermetics, who staunchly supported the idea that, in fact, NO building in the county could be considered the oldest, as they were all simply mental constructs.