New blog

I changed my blog because I thought 1) a lot of people would see it and 2) they would think I was making fun of not being racist. 

True thoughts from dummy. 

In 2004 I set out.

Hey kids comic!

The little plastic bowl of cut-up pineapple in the kitchen. In an office full of strangers.

Dr Rust and the deadly viper pudding

The Beowulf of Knock Knock Jokes

The Adirondacks Fell

Fiscal Karate for the pursuit of economic justice!

This is a thing for a baby

Babies love peace and animals. Can't help it. 

Whoa there Fighter Pilots!

wisecracking wild horse fighter pilot has to cool his heels to woo and learn and gain respect of peers

 "WHOA there top gun. If you want to date me, you have to iron your clothes. And take me to a real restaurant"

 ."BUT I AM SO WILD AND UNTAMEABLE LIKE THE WIND! I AM TOP GUN!" 

"whoa there top gun, I am Iceman and you are not so tough, and actually I am top gun" 

"goddamnit iceman, i have to do this!" 


*jawflex* 

"I respect you now top gun" 

"and I love you top gun"

you're surprisingly close 

HIGHWAY TO THE NIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNTH POWER 

fin

Stupid Tattoos

Prehistoric drum solo. 

Colonialism sings the goblin market! Destroy the past for the grace of children!

No one wants to get political anymore. Looking at you goblin lobby. 

Elliott Smith is the worst

Jingle jangle dangly dingle

A song about walking in the morning and a girl named Brenda and how things will be something dumb. 

Wah Wah Wah Wah I want to take a ride in the I know what's going on spaceship. 

It's made out of found glass and my grandfathers brass buttons and has distressed leather straps. I'm in pain fart. 

Job fair for the foot clan

The blanketing night sky hides the gaps in their resume. They took some time off to get their shit together. They learned a lot on the road, and also a little bit of Spanish. 

Like a serviceable amount. They would mention it if asked, but they wouldn't put it on their resume. They wouldn't really be comfortable doing that, but maybe they should. Maybe it wouldn't be a big deal. Nobody is going to sell you but you, foot clan. Don't worry so much. 

It's mostly about making people comfortable anyway. 

It is acceptable to be shy when you are a turtle

Because these fish are the precedent. 

The Baseball Murders: A Mystery of Sequence

Eighteen years flashed across the surface of the sun. The wind imposed on the underlying story. It left a hoof print and the women all wept blood. 

It is cold.

"Whoops" thought the rabbit. 

"That's why you shouldn't fight a dog. "You can fight a lot of things," his father had told him.  "You can fight a thief, and you can fight your family. You can fight another rabbit and you can fight a hangover. You can fight yourself and you can fight ennui, but you can't fight a dog. A dog has teeth and legs that bend backward and will grab a rabbit in its mouth to make its own version of love. Doggy style. You can't fight a dog."

Rabbit was sitting on the low branches of a tree. Sitting and combing his hair with a switchblade comb, because even though this was a story about a rabbit, it was also about the 50s and marriage and a little bit of basketball. 

"Literature is stupid." This is what rabbit thought. "Such a high opinion."

Rabbit looked down at the ground. Dog was circling the tree. Dog penis waggled as dog walked around. Dog leg turned and lifted and then everything smelled like peepee. 

"Gross" thought rabbit. "Goddamn dog."

Rabbit exhaled and thought about pulling on his furry skin until he receded into it like a popple. Then he would slowly float into the air and off into space, like a fuzzy balloon. 

But he wouldn't pop when he reached the stratosphere. He wouldn't pop and spill blood and guts and peepee and eyeballs, to rain down on the dog. When he reached the stratosphere he would harden into a rocky ball and speed up and shoot out. 

That didn't happen though. You win some and you lose some. 

Rabbit looked down at dog and sighed. 

He looked up at the sun and the sun was setting and he thought that it was beautiful and meaningful and that there was a lesson here because it was at the end of the story. 

But it wasn't, and there wasn't necessarily.  

Because it was just something that happened every day, which just meant that it happened a lot and that was it. 

As night fell rabbit fell asleep in the tree and then fell out because he couldn't pay attention. 

And if that happened then dog probably ate him. Unless dog had left. 

Who knows?

I've langed an Auld Sang

It was a curious venture.  Out in the lawn tennis.  Dawson a bubbly spirit on bubbles with his hard sphere up in the air high to blot out the sun.  Comes down make crater, kicking out the ball divot flies. And hard ring, not thinking much about it let the pompie dour bore, a whole down, after a round and back around there a partially decomposed skeletal hand!

My O shrieks a Dawson.  Well now.  Penelope non pluses and composed as her birth right digs a heel into the ground gets tired then orders the footman to do the same he is about to get a shovel then she reminds "you are a FOOTnan are you not?" So he digs heely.  Uncovering a boneyard hand and in it a tiny tin pipe.  "Ah it's Sang! The old oriental gardener, bit of a opium addict he, the dowager claimed a great reward if he only would dig back to his land with that little pipe!  Well looks like he got a bit turned around, shame that."

She broke off a finger bone and threw it to the dog, "fetch franz barkseph!"

Dawson began to wonder if extreme wealth might have a psychological toll.